So I finally caved and watched the series pilot of “Game of Thrones.” Here is my summary:
[SPOILERS.] Albino forest monsters are f**king terrifying. Boromir actually survived “The Lord of the Rings;” now he’s a d**k to his subordinates. Cool Sarah Connor dyes her hair blonde; lame Sarah Connor gets nude. Peter Dinklage is a fantastic actor; every other character is dwarfed by his intellect. (See what I did there?) Wolf pups look suspiciously like Husky pups.
Dragon eggs look disappointingly fake. Barbarians act all badass; 1980’s Conan could take all of them. People have to take a vow of celibacy to guard Donald Trump’s wall, for some reason.
A child is named “Bran;” is he good for roughage? Denis Leary Doppleganger is a d**k to children.
Seriously, though — this show is awesome.